that hopes rekindled

2009-05-25T17:57:00.002+08:00

Am I being too vulnerable or what? Lately I'm too prone to
flue and sore throat. After trying to fight the germs so that I could get
focus on MYE,the germs came and attack again. And goodness,
it's reaching the peak!
I was sent home this morning. Okay, I was geeting dizzy,apart from
the sore throat I went on Sat night after karaoke-ing and bowling ysterday night.
But I lied to mdm tan when my temp was 37.7.
When asked if I wasn't okay,I denied,for the one thing I was absolutely sure,
I WANT MY RESULTS BACK.
But Nadhirah tried to convince CM. haha.
Throughout the first few hours, I was getting weaker and felt like something
was pulling my eyelids so thet I could fell asleep.
During physics,half-paying attention, I decided to return home.
Probably that was the best choice I could decide upon,so as not to be
selfish and spread the gers to other classmate,particularly Nadhirah.

Guess taking prevention was better,esp in the midst of A H1N1.
Have yet to see the doctor,and I'm still unsure of whether
I'm allowed to go to school tmr.
Urgh,thanks to the little ones who are currently not feeling well.

Allright,am heading to Hui Shi's advice to sleep more.
Thanks,VP!

Speacial thanks to the 'twins';

NADHIRAH & NADHILAH

for helping. (:

"aku semakin lemah,

tanpamu disisi.

aku semakin rapuh,

tanpamu dihati"

2009-05-17T01:00:00.002+08:00

"begitu hidup ini
tiada yang abadi"

Life really comes and go,
flying with the flow of ticking seconds.
It just seems so vivid that everything happened yesterday,
and clearly it was wrong.
Mid-year has just end,had left the hectic life used to have ;
stepping down from band,and most,to be steepping down from
council where I used to spend my time to hide from true feelings,
before I knew everything would end this fast.

I never wished today to happen.
But have to say, thanks to H for everything
and the song presented.
Thanks for the encouragements.
And another thanks to a junior whom I don't know the name,
for making my morning look so bright on the last day of paper
when things got screwed up night before,and to everyone
who were directly involved with me last thurs.
I had a good time laughing out with the Exco.

Thanks for Breakeven by The Scripts,dude.

today was supposed to be the day I'm elated about

but apparently,it was the day memories of us ambushed the mind

with tears and regrets,

for i wasn't given any power to turn back the time

to cherish every moment,to hold on to you

and say no to your departure.

its too late

2009-04-27T20:52:00.002+08:00

There's no way to move on.
not now,nor tomorrow.
the weather has been hot and sunny,
but never were it affected by the ray.
am going through the pain with
whatever strengths left.
never thought it could be this weak
never thought it could be this severe
never thought it could be this tragic
and most,never thought it could be fatal

how it felt,when the penetarting eyes
were never clear in your sight
and you took your departure without leaving a hope
one day you'll return
never seem to be true
only the scar marked your leave
wounded,not to be ammended.

in my sleep
saw the shadow of you
smell the scent of you
felt the texture of you
heard the tender of you

the door shouldn't open
the key shouldn't take its arrival
the gold shouldn't deserve to be treasured
if it seems worthless from the starting

take your leave
leave me in menance
coz if leaving was the right thing to do
I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you
to always keep you safe

Mann,oral got me moody. praying hard.
Don't let it happen,please don't.
i learnt one thing today,
but discovered another thing
which didn't help much.

gosh,have to get started on assignments.
been dwelling over too much that am not starting on anything.
thanks A for the chilling pill. :D

"andai rindu suatu hukuman

hamba-Mu ini yang pailng menderita"

PS: BEST OF LUCK FOR MYE! :D

2009-04-15T18:16:00.003+08:00

I can't resist the guilt that suppressed me now.
Task to inform the two couuncillors of the the investiture
just slipped off the mind. gosh.
this would be counted as the second. Urgh! Mdm Z hasn't been in
sch for 3 consecutive days,and I can't imagine the words that would leave her
mouth tmr,esp because she is treating us tmr.
i admit the mistake for my absent-mindedly :(
okay,let's see what happens next.

Electrolysis test will be postponed.
The initial feeling of relief faded as soon as panick gushed through my veins.
I have to start my revision by now. Mid year is less than a month now,

I have to stand up tall
from the fall
that pull me deep down.
I know this is for real
but those unanswered questions
that haunt
always left me puzzled
was it huge enough that hatred was all you could see?
you healed it, and make me feel so secured
memories were forsaken
because happiness was all that could be seen
nothing could ever express the feeling inside
when you were here,in the heart.
i was blinded,
and as vision uncleared,
i saw mysef as a spare in the mirror.
it wasn't me in that heart.

luka lama berdarah kembali

The Road Never Ends

2009-04-09T23:09:00.003+08:00

I'm not over it, neither are we over it.

There's a mixed feelings engulfed in every JVCB,

particularly of the recent event.

It brought us closer and bonded even more than what I expeced.

The feeling is just beyond human's description, as to be able to sing the

same tune and having the passion of one main thing.

However my heart sanked, as the news reached me as we boarded the bus

after learning journey to Ngee Ann Poly today.

What is it like to discover that the masterpiece you've been putting your hardwork

in,sweats,patience,and importantly,passion was gone in a split seconds.

Now flying high's score had to be returned, and our scores we've been putting words

of encouragements and making music have gone.

The piece I've fallen in love with, my sweats, my heart and soul.

There's no chance for me to play it again. *heavy sigh*

Something strucked me in the head,

and gradually floods me with determination

as I go deeper into thoughts.

I have to stand up from the fall,

even if the scar continues to bleed.

What matters now is the future I'm gonna make,

and nothing more.

Enough of distractions,intoleratable pain an exceptional.

Afterall,girls have a deeper affection in almost everything.

It's something good,to have minimised time spent after school, apart from

supp and remedial classes.

An assurance to her that it's going to be norm all over again.

Still,I've got to catch some time with my dearly friends ;

Nadhirah's birthday celbration tomorrow, and catching a movie with Z.A.B.E on sat.

And yes, I'm glad enough I have found a new companion - Twilight

Now I'm clearer of girls going nuts over Edward Cullens.

I might sound outdated, but heck, I'm trying the best

to expose myself to english books,

and pushing aside all the malay novels for a period of time.

I'm so addicted that it's already been twice, I got out at 6.50am to sch,

as I let my eyes run along with the words as I ate breakfast.

Well,at least there's something to occupy myself with, than to

be letting those tears escape.

Napha today wasn't satisfying enough,

except for shuttle run which got me 10.20 seconds. yay!

My standing broad jump has deprove,from 198 to 179.

What a big diff. Not to mention sit and reach,

Mr Tan was just on left, as he observed.

Have always been a disappointment for sit and reach.

I'll end this with gratitude to Mdm Tan for being so concern an understanding. (:

"kau hanya hadir dalam mimpi indahku"

2009-04-02T22:37:00.002+08:00

It's the big day tomorrow,

after all the hardwork and sweats involved.

Whatever the outcomes, let's take it positively.

We will give the best we ever give, and let it be a gift to Mr Chia

for all the encouragements and motivations.

It was really thoughtful of him to be coming down after a long day at work.

Let's put those good bands in our slots into our motivation.

It's a rough battle in the battlefield,but JVCB will never admit defeat

so long as we don't retreat.

it's good to regain the appetite back,

but that does not clearly show that the heart is fine.

i have lost my strengths, and I'm getting weaker

as time ticks faster.

it was too deep to be known,

too shallow to be understand.

I didnt realise my strength in you,

but what's left is shattered dreams.

not strong as before,not positive as then.

let me have a shoulder to cry on.

JVCB,let's shine the potenial we posessed!

DO YOU BELIEVE?

"ku sangka ku mampu berdikari

rupanya rapuh untuk berdiri"

2009-03-27T23:44:00.003+08:00

Another competition going on tomorrow,held in National University of Singapore.
It will be a tough game, being the few neighbourhood schools.
Whether we get to break the guys power from St.Andrew or not,lies tomorrow.
We'll give the best shot, after all the sweats we've been putting in.

The Hornists, Nadhirah, Aini and I have to skip band again,for the competition.
Well,we know Mrs Chee will start her nag again,knowing the 3 seniors will not be there.
Today's sectional was okay. I was having headache,and so I didn't play much.
My breath was hot,but not as hot as yesterday. It was really tough,because I was
down with running nose while doing revision for today's O Level SPA.
Wasted a lot of tissues due to running nose,and at the same time, I know my heart was bleeding.

It wasn't easy,going to school and to assure them I'm perfectly fine.
Ever since tues,I've lost my appetite. It was made worst when I was caught with flu and sore throat,and now with blocked nose. I know I have maintain the health, for syf and tests and O level SPA going on. Perhaps all the demanding commitments of my responsibility
had prevented me from having sufficient rest,along with changes that happen.

Sometimes I wonder
if everything that happened and given was totally
out of pure sincerity
it would be a denial,to say i'm allright
who would want to see you go
it hurts so much
but i would rather bear the pain
as to see you in pain
why those things have to be
settled this way,
remains puzzled
i thought we could make it this time
but it was only meant to be
a beauty drawn on lips,
not happiness from the heart
if only i own the power of time,
i shall say no to short-term happiness
i should have look into the picture
real close
to realise how deep was your love to her
thoughts of being strong this time round
simply dissipate
if i were to know
i shall not put so much hopes
because hopes are dreams that dont come true
i have to let you go
eventhough my heart is saying no
everytime i close my eyes
its the memories that plays in mind
everytime im alone
its you whom i wished
to be a companion
but hopes are dreams that dont come true
and never will

with the absence of efforts and commitment.

if only you knew

how deep it is.

"maafkan aku,kerana mencintai dirimu"

2009-03-20T21:09:00.002+08:00

Now I guess I really owe a thousand thabk you to all my bestfriends, girlfriends and whoever that are standing by me.

I read my B's blog, and the only thing I know, droplets were swelled behind the eyes.
I couldn't let it go, knowing my sis is just a few steps away from me.

Girlfriends, I know he pissed you guys off.
I know you guys just feel like venting off the anger to him.
But let's just pray everything will be fine one day okay?
Until the day I have to say goodbye.
perhaps. maybe
I'll put the faith to HIM.
I'll be prepared.
I'll face the reality.
though deep down,
let the heart interpret.

ily.

My Flying High

2009-03-20T20:23:00.002+08:00

School holidays were not meant to be a holiday, throught the entire
of my secondary school life. Yes yes, I know I've been neglecting this blog for quite sometimes. Well, to be frank, I wasn't well prepared in managing the outcomes that comes by. MAnaging my emotional needs was the toughest,though I know I need, or in fact, have to fight it all. It's been hard, but I have to remind myself, don't go around begging for sympathty.

Indeed, tears becomes worthless, and comes as and when it likes.
The last band camp cum combined band camp with Boon Lay and Deyi was the best.
Little did I expect myself to fall in love more towards band. And it was
rather wasteful to discover the passion now, than before. I touched my heart, and I knew it wasn't ready to step down, and really, I can't bear to leave my Horns and passed it to another owner. Indeed, the horns marked the friendship between me and Celeste,as it was speacially passed down to me. And the horns is where I blow off my anger, and express the feelings within.

Despite having sleepless night, I was able to give the best for the days of the camp. I had to show my happiness, but I didn't know it was really affecting me till it affected my sleep.
I have to face up to reality, I have to face the music. Thank you so much to my dearest FRENCHORNISTS ; whether in JVS, Boon Lay or even Deyi. Thanks Jia wei for those jokes, and James for really entertaining me, and us. Yeayea, I know I can't get the sight of Mrs Chee was she conducts,coz I'm short. haha! It's really nice meeting the other 2 bands. I felt the bond amongst the frenchornists,unlike previous years.

And I know I was 'electroplating' the happiness throught.
Thank you so much dearest sweethearts, girlfriends and friends for all the moral support.
Thank you so much.

Let me end this with a happy note.
I'M LOOKING FORWARD FOR TOMORROW'S MASS BAND EXCHANGE at Ang Mo Kio Sec! Yeay! JVCB,

DO YOU BELIEVE? :DDD

There's no use crying over split milks,

though it invades every now and then.

you dont have to lie to yourself,

to make me smile,

coz you impress me no more.

Im sorry,but as you says,

time will tell.

2009-01-02T21:25:00.002+08:00

"kehidupan ibarat sang ombak
bersama pasang surut,serta angin bayu yang menderu.
Ombak yang seringkali tidak menentu,sama sekali dengan kehidupan
manusia yang diwarnai senyuman dan tangisan.
Angin tidak kurang tandingnya jika dibandingkan dengan cabaran
mendatang,yang sering membawa manusia dalam kelekaan and kelewaan.
Senyuman tidak bererti kegembiraan,
tangisan tidak pula bererti kesedihan.
Selamilah hati, fahamilah diri.
Sesungguhnya, hati sering berteriak.
Ingin sahaja mencapai bintang, namun dengan kekuatan yang digenggam,
tidak mungkin dapat digapainya dengan sepantas kilat.
Kenafiaan tak membawa erti,
namun itu sahaja yang mampu untuk membuatnya berdiri teguh.
Walhal apa yang diperlu hanyalah kekuatan dan perangsang semata-mata.
Setiap rentetan menjadi ikhtibar,
setiap tangisan menjadi pencabar,
setiap senyuman menjadi penyeri hidup,
namun setiap kata menjadi pembunuh hidup."

First day seemed like any norm day for me, except by the fact that
I had to say the pledge using the LOUDHALER,
instead of a mic.
Legs were shivering, but I had to put on the guts.
All eyes were to be at the common image man.
And so,it was fine.
Admin,talksss,late recess due to the talks,short heart-to-heart meeting,briefing,obstacles and unattend band practice.
yeaps,we were too busy with sc that it takes our band time.
It's gonna be 'o' before you knew it.
Gosh !That's fantastically fast.
it's all about mug,mug,mug and more mugg.

"I tried to be who I am,

and what are used to do,

but somehow it brings me to nowhere.

I need you. I really do,"

HELLO 2009!

2008-12-31T21:04:00.002+08:00

hey people its 2 hours 50 mins before 2008 take its departure,
and the arrival of 2009.
Surprisingly this year, I didn't even think of any new year resolution.
Well, i's another waste when you were reckless of it, and not accmplishing it.
Nevertheles, I've got my targets ready! ( woops! i guess :D) hohoho!
Oh well. I'm waiting for another half an hour before I step
into the countdown are.
Marina Barrage, here I come! whee! :D

today was the last day I'm gonna wake up late.
woke up to see grandma and auntie were busy chatting with mum and dad.
it was kind of embarassing,for an anak dara to wake up late noon.
i was getting bored, until I realise I have to feedback on orientation itinerary.
to endure with the slowness of my laptop was a challenge. grrr!
I was gettig into moody state afer the unreplied msg,when zil asked
me to join her together with her cliques.
I got chnaged, but change my mind after that.
hahaha! :D
Sorie babe.

I'm not writing on my Perak trip.
The mundane trip I thought turned out to be beoynd my expectation.
It was so memorable,getting tomeet up with those cousins
I've long to see. And the hugs
hahaha! It was nice spending time with them, and munching on food
in the car and forgetting about our dearly 'driver' who was also hungry.
sorry kak dayah!

P.S I'm dying to have a recap of my 2008,but my laptop is so
slow that I couldnt upload those phootos as well. haish..
what a luck.

That's what you call Fate

2008-12-25T21:56:00.002+08:00

Merry christmas everyone(:
Had my room tidied from all lower sec books.
Anione want my untouched assesment books and exercise books?
Or textbooks perhaps?
Im gonna dump it away, but was thinking if
any of my junior need it. So I could pass it down, just like what Hui Yuan have
done to me and some others.

Had dinner at West Coast with 1st sis and family.
I know they miss me, I mean us alot!
And finally I get to kiss my little Dini again!
Mum was overjoyed upon seeing her.
Nurul start to get dizzy and vomitted once we arrived.
She didnt had the appetite to consume anything
and she went vomitting again.
She reminds me of the embarassing incident! Gosh!
As we were waiting for mum to but her rojak,
to our amusement, we saw 2nd sis in the car.
So 1st sis and 2nd sis were chatting, and suddenly we
saw Ridzwan and Wani running towards us.
We burst into laughters.
Isn't it miracle!

and yea, I'm leaving for Batu Pahat and Perak the next day.
I've yet to pack up! hahaha!

"Ku rasakan persahabatan yang renggang.
Segala keburukkan cuba ditepis,
namun haluan mati yang ku temui.
Sedarlah teman, aku rindui akan kamu.
Jangan pernah merubah diri,
walau pasangan men jadi isi hati.
sesungguhnya kami dambakan kamu"

2008-12-18T13:44:00.003+08:00

currently I'm at Baz/Zil's house.
Ohkay,at times I cant made up my mind
which name to call her..haha
BAz SBS pn allright jugak ehk! ;p
anw i'm stucked in the middle again. Revision have yet to be touched,
what more those assignments.
time management,Azlin!
Mum insist on me going to Perak from 26-28 dec.
should I? should I not?
I cant make up my mind.
Im bewildered by revision time and meet ups
with cousin.
Initial plan was to go up to KL with the twins, and take Kak Dayah's
car,but when think abt it, another day would b egone for reviosn and stuffs.
gosh,im just too confused!

Tmr gonna be a long day.
From sec 1 registration to meeting and class leader training.
So councillors, get prepared from 6.30am to 5 yaw.

Went jp with yuhualites,and mukmin made a mini-toast
for the speacial day.
AND yea,congrats GF! I know you are the happiest person on 18!
They keep on talking abt mamat and please,he's not mine lah seh!
haha!

Thanks ezzati for that sweet and touching poem. (:

"persahabtan kian erat
namun ku rasakan aku terjerat
dengan perasaan yang membelenggu
hingga bila tiada siapa yang tahu
rentetan memori diukir sanubari
untukku jadikan memori
agar persahabatan kekal abadi
untuk selamanya yang hakiki. "

2008-12-14T11:29:00.002+08:00

I'm always enjoying my stay at sis house,
coz Danish gotten a nice bed set that comes with a study table,
and a PC just opp the bed.
and yea,it's condusive enough,to check mails and stuff.
My laptop is still not in a good condition.
how pathetic can that be.
haha.
anw I felt guilty for leaving mum alone at home
on saturday night, when the cousins hit the town.
We went to have early dinner,
and off to town. It's chaotic, especially with the guys
who went to tried those make ups and irritating one another.
Shocked to see Shamir and Sharis,but was glad they are in singapore :D
Shamir is even taller than fiqri!
despite being the youngest among myself,fiqri an d syazwan.
bothe shamir and sharis are like their late father.
and I guess shafiq is even taller now.

there was this hilarious part.
I was walking with nurul along al-falah corridor.
Syazwan was sititng while the adults are behind.
Fiqri went "eh ader awek uh! ader awek!"
so they make the sound of the motorcycle (mat rempit tak jadi)
and shamir exclaimed "eh yang baju hijau.."
i was puzzled,so i looked at my shirt,it was PINK!
nurul's shirt was also PINK!
syazwan laughed his lungs out. "kau buta warna pe?"
haha.
we then had supper at Pasir Ris,and the guys were
fighting over fried chicken!
didn't ate much,but was jubilant enough to receive a call.
twice!

I guess its true. It's more of a discovery of weakness than strengths.
The sunny side is embracing itself,but there are parts to taken into consideration.

"don't look at problems as problems.

isn't it better to face the problem, and regard it as a challenge,

rather than running away from it,

when you never will."

i was looking thru sery's blog and it makes me wonder by the quote

"if people is hating you,it means you are putting in the effort"

Life is just too demanding at times.

Home Sweet Home

2008-12-02T16:55:00.002+08:00

I'm back from HONG KONG!

Hohoho!

I love being there!

Well, I wouldnt want to say it now.

Pictures isnt ready,so yea.

I'll collate everything first.

cintaku buatmu seorang

that beam of light

2008-11-22T01:26:00.002+08:00

Maybe for once, I should pour it out.
I cant stand all those smiles that covered all the sorrows and problems
I'm facing.
I tried to be strong,but I just see no end to it.
I know I should be showing a good role model to others,
but Im just another extraordinary human.

Im aware of the talkings of the council.
How it had changes and stuffs.
What extend have I done, to discover that it has come
to the critical point.
I miss the council too.
I miss the laughters and fun I had during my
days as a followers.
But things started to change,for better or worse.

I used to have passion in leading the council,
knowing that we share something in common.
But now,it seems like everything is fading away.
No one enjoys whats in council animore
I tried to save,but I'm still gasping.
It's just too devastating to even think of it.
No one ever cared.

Things always didnt worked out well.
Things didnt go the way we wanted it.
My nights was always companied by the tears
that rolled down whenever I think of the council.
What's missing?
Passion? Interest?
I've always thought the whole lot of fun
could make it till the top,
could go thru everything as a council.
But I guess the time isnt right yet.
To see the council in success is really a dream for me.
It's heart-wrecking,seriously.

REally, I couldn't hold on to it any longer.
It eats out my heart.
I love the council,I love the fun,
but everyone is talking all about it.

Passion,come back.
Coz I really need you at the moment I feel like falling.
Its another few months before I step down.
It's hard to leave it all behind.
Those memories are still fresh in mind.
I miss every single thing.
We used to stay strong as a council,we used to go
meals togther,but now everyone is breaking apart,
going into their own small cliques.

Please, for once, let me pour this out.
I know I shouldnt,but that's th eonly way.
I wouldnt want ppl to dictate that
I'm asking for sympathy.
I just need things to clear itself.

Tuhan,tabahkanlah hati ini.

kerna aku tidak berdaya untuk menempuhinya

kumpulkanlah daya untuk ku teruskan perjuanganmu,

diiringi dengan petunjukmu,Tuhan.

"until the day I cried"

Another roller-coaster ride

2008-11-09T19:25:00.002+08:00

Another bumpy road this week.
Its like having laughters in the noon, and tears at night.
Though its been a few days since I'm always in the phone,
that does not really requires the true feelings im going through.

Took Olevel Malay on Weds.
Gotta say that it's hilarious.
We were truly clueless of the environment and procedures.
mcm rusa masuk kampung.
haha.
had a hot ang moh invigilator btw.
and aini was melting over him. hah.

Went to NHLC on fri,at padang.
Funa and enjoying.
A time spend with the council,though not all were present.
Can't talk much for now.
My nephew have been pestering me for the com from just now.
Ohkay,we are fighting over him.
but hey nephew,just a little while more won't kill right?
Haish,have to fight all because my internet
can't work at home.

end her yea(:

Those times were sweet

2008-10-29T22:32:00.003+08:00

Allright, I'm done with the skin.
Just some admin to do, before its fully done.

Maths supp was interesting!
I'm enjoying the lessons so far. hah.
Haziq, Hafiz, iRah, Anthony and I were given the chance to
come 5 mins late for managing to solve a problem.
It sounded ridiculous, but I reckoned that was just meant
to be a motivation for the whole class.
Headed to Hanna's after changing at my place and buying of gift(s)
for her. Watching "HANTU" was filled with screaming.
It was fun, except that Sofia didn't get to join us.
Working eh, Sofia :D (treat us soon yea!)

However there was this incident that send shivers down my spine.
There were this 2 guys(i wouldnt want to mention where they were from)
who coincidently took the same bus as we were
heading down to buy gift. To our surprised, there were
hanging around nearby to Hanna's.
Well, we took no notice of them until our
supposed-to-be-movie-marathon ended.
Tailing us from behind, they kept saying "you..you.."
all the way. We continued our way home and were
astounded to know that they were still tailing.
Like "oh no. what are we supposed to do now"
We sped up, and hide in one of
those shops under the void deck.
However luck wasn't on our side maybe, I don't
even know how the manage to find us.
Seriously, I don't know what they were up to.

Btw thanks iRah for rescueing me.
I wouldn't know what would happen then,
if we were still clueless out of panicked,
Thanks for saying that,just to make them go away.

Nyehahaha! Kamu baik,Tuti! :DD

Perhaps that was what we have been missing for

throughout the year.

Lost

2008-10-28T18:49:00.002+08:00

Masyaallah. I suddenly felt lost. I know,
I'm puzzled by the drastic change of the day.
I can't help it but to drain out those swelling tears.
In fact, my heart just felt a terrible pain.
Why am I feeling this way?
I just felt miserable. Everyone are so busy with
their own stuffs. Even mum.
And that left me thinking if really,
I have someone to always be there anytime for me to cry on.
Nvm. Life.

Ya Allah,sesungguhnya aku hanyalah insan

penuh dengan kekhilafan.

Ingin ku sujud padamu,dan meninggalkan

segala yang ku miliki.

Hidupku tak bererti tanpa dirimu di sis.

kerna ku pasti,engkaulah yang setia

PCF Graduation

2008-10-26T20:03:00.006+08:00

Holidays are here, people!

How fun and enriching it gonna be

lies on oneself.

For me, a tight schedule would be a challenge

to go through with lots of determination and perseverance.

Results have been atrocious this year.

Said to be lucky enough to have realised though mistakes.

Days have been tough, trying to accept reality

and what's gonna happen next.

It's just beyond mankind control, and so do I.

I've got to face it, through it all.

Caught up HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3 together

with ever-loved Z.A.B.E, Nadhirah and Alif.

Tremondously awesome. Though I went emotional

thinking of what had happened recently.

However, the quality time the four of

us spend together was blissful.

Laughters were involved, and of course,

having Ezzati to be the model of the day.

Yesterday, had to go to Jurong Pri for another promotion.

Well this time, it wasn't as fun and successful as last year.

Our room wasn't eye-catching, and

the absence of displays was a hinder.

Walk back home with him after that.

Oh well,he's just another friend of mine,yea?(:

Attended Dewi's graduation next.

Another awesome show.

Watching the performance of

the little ones triggered me of my days in kindergarten.

How fast time flies.

Somehow I saw myself dancing Indian Dance

during my graduation.

Aniwae, I'm lucky to still have the chance

to meet up with my pre-school teachers; Cikgu Ali & Cikgu Ana.

Cikgu Ali swang her hands in amusement

and excitingly the moment she saw me

outside the centre.

Mum and I were taking shots, actually.

I went to her,and gave the best hug

I ever gave to someone I call 'teacher'.

Surprisingly, she still remember my long hair!

And so, she played with my new hair(:

Cikgu Ana gave me a goodluck kiss after

knowing I'm in sec 3 this year!

She kept asking "this year sec 1 ehk?" verytime we met

either on the streets or when I met her last year

at Seri's grad.

Hold up, let the pictures do the talking now!

2008-09-05T20:42:00.000+08:00

Hellos.
I MISS BLOGGING!
iLah! I know its time for me to change
the skin and stuffs.
Im sick of it as well :D
Soon yea.
After end year perhaps?
Well,the urge of blogging is there,ALWAYS,
but didn't has the time,serious(:

For now,a lot of things have passed.
My term 3 results were atrocious!
Haish!
Teachers' that celebration in JVS was an average.
Teachers' Day Committee,
don't be too disheartened of the
unforeseen things that had happened.
Let it be an experience
for every one of us to learn(:
Celebration in Yuhua Primary was pretty well enjoying,
at least dats what I heard from the sch porch(:
Got to meet the ex-YUHUALITES!
Soi much of fun and laughters,
with the mini reunion.
Too bad Im not able to upload the pics.
I'M IN AL-MUKMININ THIS SECONDS,
attending RYC; Ramadhan Youth Camp.
For now,not so much of activities.
First day mah.
Anw,too bad I can't be involve in the terawih for now.
urgh, disappointed seh.
back to teachers' day, aft that we hanged out
together,talking about all sorts of thing!
from birthdays to ghost stories,to crappy jokes and even dogs!
haha!
OH! My dearest E'zzati,
Azam tak amek kau naik basikal ke?
haha! Jgn marah tau,nant batal puaser :DD

Holiday was spent to interview the upcoming
sec 1 councillors.band practice and CURENTLY RYC.
Urgh,school opening soon.
So people, get ur head in the exams!
its all about mugging! and stress!
Till here then! (:

Companion

2008-07-04T23:57:00.000+08:00

I read it,and it brought me to tears.
I'm really in the state of puzzlement.
I'm confused.
I just feel like letting all out,but there's this some kind
of feeling that holds it back.
I know I shouldn't bottle it up.
I can't seem to help it.
I don't know what is wrong with myself.
The pressure acting on me is pushing too deep down.
I don't know who I should run to.
I don't know if I;m being too sensitive,
or am I being too emotional.
My heart is whispering something that I
could not seem to hear it.
Yes,I need a listening ear,but history
had made me dreads it.
Im lost,honestly.
The heart is too swollen.
One day,the bottle will burst,and it will explode.
It's something negative,but I can't help it.
Im tired of putting on the mask.
Im tired of all this!
Im forcing myself to be strong,
until the day I became weak.
There lies truth in lies,and there lies lies in the truth.

"the heart is longing for it,until the day comes"

No Air

2008-07-04T21:49:00.000+08:00

Okay, I know I haven't been updating
ever since I came back from CEBU.
My time was so packed that I'm yet to do any revisions.
I have not been doing my revision,despite the atrocious grades.
WAKE UP,AZLIN!

I'm still wondering if I should update on my course to Philippines.,
Its 11 days,mind you(:
For now,I'm praying hard that investiture will go on smoothly.
My greatest fear. My greatest hope.

Is jeolously drifting us apart? I'm puzzled by the attitude.
What wrong have I done,to be receiving this?
Said you'll be there,but where are you now?
I would rather know the truth,than to look at the drama.
Please,why are you doing this to me.
Im just another ordinary person,and it would make no sense
for an ordinary person not to make any wrong doing.
What is it,my sweetheart,that changes you?
I'm not being myself.
Im lying to myself.
Don't ask for the reason,cos Im searching for it myself.

Just a short post,at least until next week.
I'll get to normal life once my investiture us over.
A promise.

"If telling the truth would hurts,I would rather listen to it
than to be blinded by the act of lies"

Time Flies

2008-06-08T00:49:00.000+08:00

Whoaa..
Im not sleeping yet,at this hour!
Ohkay. Can I say that my life has been great so far?
Thanks to you guys for cheering and motivating me(:
And Hadziq,thanks alot.
He's been trying to make me realise that
he's not worth my tears.
And I guess that's true enough.
My life has ro go on.
Am I right to say?
Why do I have to dwell of the past
when I know that would only eats my heart out.
Only me.

Summary of what I have been doing for the past couple of days.
Let me start the ball rolling in CRONOLOGICAL ORDER.
Gosh! I really miss my history lesson!

NCO CAMP.
Yay. JVCB was the first to arrive to DEYI.
Boon Lay Band was caught up in a traffc jam.
WE gathered,and to avoid wating time,Yi Chien sir
commanded us to rearrange the table in our sleeping areas
in 5 minutes? If im not mistaken.
All of the rest started running.
The hilarious thing was that JVCB from SPARTAN didn't
straight away rushed to our sleeping areas.
We went to grabbed our bag and ran.
Someone went "Eh don't need to bring our bags lah!"
HAHA!
We were so paiseh!
I was laughing to the max as I was running.
Deyi members really did the work super fast.
The rest of us was still blur,cos everytime just as we were
about to give a hand,its done.
When Boon Lay had arrived,we when to our respective groups.
And our DRILLING TRAINING STARTED!
Shikin Ma'm was okay lah..
Nice. Kind-hearted. She Know when to be strict,when is not.
In our squad,I stood beside Haikal,
from Deyi Military.
He's a good drill-er. Haha!
We only smiled to each other.
Served alot of punishements.
Pushups and running aroud the soccer field.
Well,its a a training camp aniwae.
I like the camp! Cos it's all about DRILLING!
But yea,could only attend on the first day.
There was once when Yi Chien came to our squad,
we were doing hentak kaki for a long time
He went to Haikal and asked " Why r u standing here?"
Haikal: This is my position
Yi Chien: U lying rite?
Haikal: No lah..
Yi Chien: U want to stand beside her rught?
I herad Haikal saying " No Larh.."
I was like ??
Why did he involve me?
Then he looked at me asked for my name.
He berhenti-ed the squad and went
"Haikal,beside u is azlin. Azlin,this is haikal."
I smiled only. Haikal was like 'ehh.no lah."
I dun realkly understand him actually.
At times he is serious,wearing a frown on the face,
and next he went around teasing pl etc.
Went home at 10 pm.
Dad waited for me at J.E
and zroom! Reached home,packed and zzzz!

STUDENT COUNCIL JUNE CAMP '08.
Head to sch tgthr with Hui Shi.
Did some admin stuff and went on withe the camp.
Mainly about LEAD-ER-SHIP.
leadership is INFLUENCE! :DD
games was enjoyable.
I LOVE gropu 3!
Talentime was superAWESOME!
for the first time,I really enjoyed myself,
laughing my lungs out.
We won the 3rd place!
Playing Cling Cling together with the sec 3 and mdm zarinah
was very fun + CHAOS!
all the programme was great,only that
my eyelids started to feel the magnetic forces.
Hah! I'm aware that there ae more
who dozed off! haha!
Oh. During our sleep time,I was walking arnd making sure
that they area soundly asleep.
Sorie iLah and Sofia if I didn;t really spend my time wif u guys.
As I was walking,Shaff suddenly went
"azlin sini jap. Eh kalau matair kau bilu kau,bilang aku.."
Puzzled. Then I told her and sukainah of the truth.
and that's when we start our stories and stuffs.
Seriously,didn't expect myself
to get close to shaffiqa.
Though we are in the same cca as well,we dun really
talk to each other frequently.
but during dat camp,it wasn't.
During the debriefed,mdm zarinah told us
someone texted her telling me not to do
mush work coz Im tired when I went to apologise
to the committe for not rally helped out.
They went "aww...who would it be?"
and they started all the guessings,but mdm zarinah went
"secret shldn't be told. Let azlin finds ot herself."
I was puzzled. Who would it be.
But I guess I've known.
Might be mrs gan.
Guess so.
anw,im really grateful to the sender.
But again,im sorry if i didnt provide much help to you guys.

LANGKAWI,CAMERON HIGHLANDS.
Im feeling sleepy by now. Haha!
I don't want to tell my story again.
Ive been talking about it.
haha!
pictures in the next post yea?

Im signing off.
Good nites!

Memories

2008-05-29T20:36:00.000+08:00

I'm darn exhausted from the camps I attended.

But,here's the photos
I promised earlier in the previous post(:

Didn;t manage to upload the videos.

Grr. My com was way too slow.

Ohkay,so I rode this ride on a cow,which I

had rode it before,once,

at the Zoo a few years back.

But that was challenging,unlike this,which was really a bore to me :D

Even the makcik went "Oh lembu. Biler kau nk laju nie?"

Then Nasha pulled me to the next station,

the GALLIATOR or smtg( i wanst sure ofthe name :D)

Nyehhahaha! Well,never looked down on

DOUBLE S pepole ; SHORT & SMALL.

I still manage to push her off her position.

It was so funny.

Too bad I coudn't upload it.

Next round was

pretty cool. I fought with this partially-cocky girl,

who has been winnig all along, everlasting winner.

Urgh,Im pissed off by the pace my com is running.

It's getting on my nerves,every seconds,every minutes.

And lastly,the pictures taken on that day.

That's my 3rd sis, Wani and me. And here is my first sis.

When we met,comes all the fightings(:

When I missed the target,my bro went "Mate kero lah!"

That's what I'm shooting at. Cute cake ain't it?

Yes, definitely PINK!

Oh! U know,there was this game stall
called "Spill It or Break It" where you have
to slide a glass of water to a certain point.
My nieces got jeolous over me
cos I still get p[rizes though the glass
didn't really stopped right in the centre.
nyehaha!

Certis Cisco Family Day '08

2008-05-25T22:22:00.000+08:00

My whole family went flocking

to SENTOSA from morning till 9 plus.

Yea,I'm just back a few minutes ago.

And I'm here writing in any case that tomorrow I

won't have the time to blog.

Tomorrow would also be another busy day.

In fact,everyday are.

Truth be told,I'm starting to get over him, but I know

it would take sometime,or perhaps might dragged on.

I'll never know how my feelings would gonna be like.

Coz it's too hard to be predicted.

Tomorrow will start with my

CHEMISTRY PRACTICAL.

Follow up will be

DRILLING!

It's gonna be tough, I hope so. Since we have

to get ourselves both mentally

and physically prepared for another

TOUGH physical training at Deyi Sec

on Tuesday and would ends on Thursday.

There's gonna be P.O.P

on the very last day but

unfortunately,councillors are all rather furious

over it since we have to skip the band camp

to attend our S.C camp on 28-29.

Back to my main topic.

Okay,actually I'm seriously drained out.

It was an ultimately fun day spent with all my family members.

I LOVE MY FAMILY!

I saw Faiz there.

Glad that he still recognise me.

So he waved at me..

Didnt manage to have a conversation with him.

I guess I should not talk more about my day at

TANJONG BEACH.

I did CAMWHORING [is my spelling correct?] there,

so I should let the pictures tell its thousand words.

And ohh,I somehow had this regretful feeling

cos I didnt get the chance to watch the fireworks

at 8pm SHARP.

All because of the stupid popcorn!

There was a super long queue for the redeeming of popcorns.

I ended up getting change late,so even how fast I rush,

I couldn't help it but to miss it.

Okay,enough said.

I wonder why I took this picture at the first place.

I like this picture,wif that key 'hanging'

She's the only one that could really brightens me up after a tiring day in sch.

This cute boy could be mischievious at times,but he's caring(:

He's brother's gf.

tips anyone?

The big family of mine.

This beautiful scenery awed me. It's miracle how

it is able to give let me forget about the past,even if its only temporary.

There's more pictures and videos to come,people(:

But I have to stop here or this post

will gonna be a loongg loonggg post again!

"I'm able to smile now,though it's still rotten deep inside"

If seeing others happiness is better, I'm willing

2008-05-24T15:00:00.000+08:00

Andai Ku Tahu - Dayang Nurfaizah - Dayang Nurfaizah

Andai ku tahu
dirimu takkan sekali
menjadi milikku
tak bererti
ku mampu menahan hati
dari mengemis kasih sayangmu

Andai ku tahu
dirimu takkan setia
menyimpan segala rasa cinta
kecewa ku mengenang semua
bicara manismu yang tiada makna

mengapa harus merindu rembulannya
tak akan jatuh ke riba
mengapa harus ada rasa cinta
jika tiada keihklasannya
betapa kelamnya dunia
tanpa dirimu disisi
andainya ku tahu dari dulu

andai ku tahu
dirimu takkan setia
meyimpan rasa segala rahsia cinta
kecewa ku mengenang semua
bicara manismu yang tiada makna

mengapa harus merindu rembulannya
tak akan jatuh ke riba
mengapa ada rasa cinta
jika tiada keihklasnnya
betapa kelamnya dunia
tanpamu disisi
andainya ku tahu dari dulu

kecewa ku mengenang semua
bicara manismu yang tiada makna

mengapa harus merindu rembulannya
tak akan jatuh ke riba
mengapa ada rasa cinta
jika tiada keihklasannya
betapa kelamnya dunia
tanpamu disis
andainya ku tahu dari dulu

No other words could ever define
the feelings I have to go through right now.
Its hard.
But I know I have to face the music
for the act that I did.
It hurst so much.
But I have to stay strong.
for never could life runs away from hurdles.
For now,only the song above could describe
the feelings that runs wild deepof within.
The wound was added to more salt,
with the grades obtained.
Now,it could not be denied that 2008 hasn't bring me any luck.

The door of my heart has locked,once again.
Though I know,someone out there
has the key of that door.
And I know,that someone
will not unlocked the door
of that little heart,
unless that little heart's owner
has come to settle down in life.
The owner of that precious key
will be the perfect human
to brighten up my life.
and he know that now
isn't the rigt time
for the unlocking of the door.
That owner of the precious key
would persevere to fight on,
for the door is too concrete
for that owner to enter in.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

How could I belive in your words.
How could I swallow the promises
out of your mouth.
How could I be too foolish
to let you be the tenant of my heart.
How could I let you destruct
the life I'm facing.
How could I let you rule my feelings.
How could I waste the time to be with you.
How could I share the anxiety of the relationship to you.
How could I let my mind to think of you.
How could I let my mind worry about you.
How could I gave you my heart.
How could I be with you
when I know I should be abiding
to the responsibilty that's on me.
How could I be too foolish
to press myself to think
between my load of responsibilty and you.
How could I give you my love.
How could I be so foolish.

What's that had happen could not be unturned.
That's the fact that I am in no position to change.
I know I could not stay in this situation for long.
I have to stand up
and continue my journey.
Cos i have a long way to go.
And this is only the beginning of my life.
I will not dread this life,
when the perfect time comes.
Let me give myself another chance
to start afresh.
to start anew.
Let me have some space,
so that I can breathe.
Im trying to be involve in
as many activities as I could,
for me to forget you.
Please,grant me my wish.
Don't enter my life ever again,
for it will only bring back those time.
I have to get busy,and I guess
my hetic life for the holidays
are just right for me to start afresh.
Only through this,I could get rid of the unhealthy feelings.
Let the railings between the road be the divergence between us.
I respect your decision,
I thank you for what you have done.

My hectic life has started today,
when I followed mum to Johore.
Let me breathe the clean and fresh air
in Sentosa,and let out those
bad times off me.

Touched

2008-05-18T23:51:00.000+08:00

I can't get myself to sleep. It nearly 12 midnight but I'm working on the coming agenda for the next general meeting. None know about this apart from those whom I entrusted the thrust on. It's utterly confidential yea. And I guess my blog could only be 'annouced' after the rest have been informed. I'm still considering putting it as a private blog though. As for now, I'm still free to write anything under the sun since only 4 chosen people,for now,knwo about the existence of my blog.

Today was a dull day,again. Planned to hop into JP with my sis and mum but was then cancelled,sadly. I asked my mum out as I felt kinda sick of just sitting at homebut however,she doesn't want to.

I guess now is the time for me to thank my precious wonderful friends that I have.

To E'zzati: Thanks for being my listening ear,for the past few sundays. Sometimes I just can't imagine why do I have to break my well of tears right upon you. Thanks for understanding,advice,motivation and all that you have gave to me. I really appreciate it. I believe,the ties of friendship that we share,will never be broken so long as we still stand tall for each other. I miss our time when we would get hooked to the phone and chat for hours. But that was only in the past.

To Bazilah: Thanks for also be my listening ear at times when my world was really against myself,when the odds were all against me. Thanks for the advices,and time spend to be withe me and the others. Thanks for being there and tolerating me. And yes,our friendship will always last.

To Zireen: I guess when you read those msgs above,you would feel left out or guilty. But I'm telling you this,you are being a good friend to me though we didn't manage to meet that often. Thanks for everything. Thanks for making my life brighter with your hyper-attitude. Well,again I'm saying,we'll make it through and become the bestest friends along with the two of them,if we still put faith,honesty,trust and respect for each other. Knowing you guys for 5 years have been a great experience with our ups and downs.

To iLah: Like I said earlier in your blog,I simply couldn't express myself in words. Thanks for your words. Thanks for your support. Frankly, I didn't expect something like dat from you. Thanks for believing in me,and for being there listening my stories and problems. You know,I might be this strong because of the times I went through in life. Fifteen years of age is enough to teach me of values and lessons. I have to stay strong,cos I know sometimes I just have to be on my own feet. To be independent and not relying on others help. I have to stay strong and be patience with those stuffs going against me cos I know there's something more important in my own life that I have to care about. I started to realise all this when I was thirteen,where I have to adapt in a new environment,with my bestfriends living me behind. That was when I started to open my eyes. That was when I know I have to make a change. Try asking E'zzati,Bazilah,Zireen. I used to be a hot-tempered girl and moody at times. I remember scolding zireen of the slightest action;she kept asking for my correction tape. But yet, till now,I'm still weak and helpless in the inside. I can't help it,at least for now.

Wwhoaa. This is super long post. Thanks alot my deardear friends. You guys are someone speacial and will always have a place in my heart. Thanks to iRah,Hanna & Sofia as well for making my life something that I will always treasure.

I'll stop here.
Good nites friends.
& to all Buddhists,wishing you a Happy Vesak Day(:

The Verdict

2008-05-15T19:31:00.000+08:00

She advised me to accept it. Im left wif a few more hours before I make up my mind. The decision is in my own hand. Yes,my own hand. Somehow I feel like there's something that hold me aback. It's as though there's an obstacles that prevent me from doing what I really want.

Oh yar. This is my first entry(:
Thanks to Bazilah for doing so much thing for me. For tolerating my fussiness. Examinations are finally over. But that doesn't gave the conclusion of 'stress-free'. In fact,it's more heavier now. I'll just have to stay positive,and be strong myself. Be it friendship,relationship,studies,cca etc.
I have to be prepared for the worst.

My class had Maths activities today. where we had to choose an article from the previous day article,and come out with a question range between 10-15 marks. In the beginning,my group had yet to get the hang out of it. We decided on our question eventually,20 mins before the duetime. We doesn't have that much confidence in ourself,but was shocked by the result of clinching the third place. The best thing was that,Nadhirah's group tuned out to be second,while Nadhilah's grouped was the champion. Afterall,we all had fun during the process.
Received back our A-Maths,Geography & Higher Malay today. What should I say? It wasn't satisfying at all. Though I did put my effort into it, I guess only with failures, It will fire the determination in me. Im really hoping that I show improvement in my other subjects. T^hat's my only hope,at least for now.

Band was boring. Ohh,aniwae,stop your sarcasm will you? I know your juniors aren't a good player as you. You could be making the slightest mistake,compared to your juniors who ae way low low standard as you. And sorry, I know you look down on her. You don't have to express it,since your action has done all the work. Do remember that we are,no matter what,humans. Don;t tell me there are humans out there are perfect,coz nothing so far has proven it to me,or even to good brainers(:
She realised her weaknesses,and what she is tryng to do is to work on it. But do you have to tell the whole world about this? Aniwae, for the very first time,the band requested for an early dismissal. We managed to have one! Headed down bubble tea shop to take a bite next.

"Only through thickness,real,true friend(s) are found."

2008-05-13T22:56:00.001+08:00

hello everyone! bazilah's here. basically, i'm here because the owner of the blog doesn't take pride of her blog. LOL! k that was meant to be a joke. she's busy bloghopping etc. so you guys, better gradually give a big round of applaud to the owner of this blog uh. give encouragement when she start posting. i'm dead if she reads this. nyeh!

k fine, bye